Save your marriage and yourself

Who is your #1 fan?

Do you even have a #1 fan?  If not I would suggest you find one.  Not out of necessity but out of pure life-altering positivity.  We are all out there looking for confirmation of how wonderful we are.  How good we are at doing things.  How special we are.  Most of us want that kind of support and spirit in our lives but most of us never give it out to anyone else, at least not consistently.  As good as it feels to get the praise we long for it is 10 fold better to just give it out.  It seems to reciprocate itself over and over.  No matter what direction you point it.

Giving with no expectation of receiving

In order to get the full effect, you must first have the proper mindset.  Most of us live on planet Earth in a world where give and take is a normal thing.  I would like you to consider the world where you give with no intention of ever getting anything in return.  A truly altruistic mindset. When we give with the expectation that we will get something in return we are mentally enslaving the other person.  It is the same when you let someone borrow money.  The one who offers the money to borrow is the master.  The one who borrows the money is the slave, at least until the money is paid back.  It puts barriers between us as humans.  It creates awkward situations and animosity.  Giving without any expectation of getting back creates no barrier.  It simply opens the door to pass on the giving spirit.  Try it some time.  Give something of yourself without any expectation of receiving anything in return.  We have all done this at one point in our lives already.  I am just asking that you make this the standard rather than the exception.  You don’t need any special occasion to give without reciprocity.

Give away all of your money!?!? not so fast…

I’m not telling you to run out there and give away all of your hard earned money.  Actually, I am not asking you to give away any of your money directly.  Change the scope of giving.  Instead of giving money give of yourself.  Give things that could be valuable to someone else without actually giving them money.  Money is an easy way out.  Its a mindless gift.  Try something else.  Try giving your time because frankly, time is the one asset we can’t create more of, at least not the way we make money.  You can bargain for your time or choose time over money but you can’t create time.  You can’t rewind time.  Time is finite.  Money is not.

What about giving of yourself to save your marriage?

Have you ever thought for a second that the thing your spouse needs from you the most is time and compassion?  Beyond new curtains or a new car or a cruise, all your significant other really needs is time and compassion.  We tend to glaze over this subtle fact quite easy.  I would have to say that if anything else is more important then you might not be with the right person.  If you are looking for that person to complete your life try looking for the one who gives you the most time.  Try being the one who gives the most time.  Not just time together but also time alone.  Time to think.  Time to be with friends.  Time to feel complete.  You shouldn’t have to give every waking moment you have to someone else nor should you expect that from anyone else.  You should feel good about giving your time and your compassion all while not expecting anything in return for it.  This concept is so simple but so life changing.


Also published on Medium.

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Dont forget to leave me something to chew on after you have gone back to your normal life.. and I stay here inside the matrix. ;-)